More people today are holding off getting into a serious relationship in favor of having fuck buddies. It’s the best of both worlds for a lot of people. They get to have great sex with someone they know and trust and avoid casual sex.
Having a friend with benefits is becoming more common than it was in the past. This is especially true of the younger generation. In a study of 125 undergraduates in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36% of the participants said they currently had a fuck buddy. Two-thirds of them said they’d had a friend with benefits in the past.
If you have someone you’re just friends with, can you move the relationship from just a friend to someone you have sex with, without ruining the friendship? Absolutely! Here are some tips to take you from just friends to fuck buddies.
Examine Your Relationship
Start by carefully considering the status of your current relationship. How close are you? Do you talk about both serious and intimate matters? Are you comfortable around each other?
It’s important to remember that a friends-with-benefits relationship is still a relationship and you need to be able to trust each other. Even if you’re not planning to make a formal commitment to each other, your potential fuck buddy needs to be someone you can talk to openly.
Know the Difference Between a FWB and a Real Relationship
Before you become fuck buddies with someone, you should make sure the two of you define the parameters of your relationship. What makes you a FWB and not someone you’re in a relationship with?
The line can be blurry at times so the two of you will need to set boundaries that define your relationship. Perhaps it means no kissing or hand holding or it might mean you don’t go out on dates. You might decide you don’t want anyone else to know.
Have a talk with your FWB before you take your friendship to the fuck buddy level.
Someone who is your fuck buddy might not want the girlfriend or boyfriend status but they do want to be respected. You need to practice truthfulness and you can’t cancel plans at the last minute – even if those plans are mostly having sex.
Remember that a FWB partner is still a person. Treat them with respect and you’ll have a lot more fun in bed.
Don’t Talk Behind Their Back
No one likes to be talked about when they aren’t around but this is especially true when the main basis of your relationship is sex. When someone is involved in a fuck buddy type of relationship, they will want to know that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.
Sometimes when a person has a fuck buddy, they are still looking for their ideal partner. They may not want anyone to know that they are having sex with someone just for fun!
There Must Be Clear Consent
Consent covers a lot of different areas. Even though your relationship is more casual, you need to make sure that consent is always clear.
Even when you think you’re only going to their house for sex, be clear that this is the intention. Make sure you have consent when you’re engaging in different kinds of sexual acts, too. Just because you are fuck buddies, it doesn’t mean that anything goes.
Talk About Sexual Health
Even if you are using condoms, you should still have a conversation about sexual history and STDs/STIs. If you haven’t had any testing done, that’s a good place to start.
Share your STD/STI test results with your fuck buddy and make sure you are both open and honest. Also, remember that some STD/STI conditions are not tested for, like HSV1 or HSV2. If you or your friend with benefits has a sexually transmitted disease or have had an infection, it’s important to be honest about it!
Openness about sexual health is another form of consent.
Discuss Other Partners
Some people who have fuck buddies also have other fuck buddies. Others like to keep it as safe as possible by only having sex with each other for the time you are friends with benefits. There’s no right or wrong way, but you should talk about it.
If you agree not to have sex with other people, it’s important to stick to it. How can your FWB trust you to be truthful about other things if you choose to go behind their back when you’ve agreed not to have sex with other people?
If you and your fuck buddy agree that both of you can have other sex partners, make sure that you’re using condoms. Get STD/STI tests done regularly (every 3-6 months is average).
Finally, you might want to ask your FWB if they want to know about your activities with other people. Some people like to know. Others prefer a don’t-ask-don’t-tell arrangement.
Clear Communication is Essential
Perhaps one of the most important aspects of going from just friends to fuck buddies is maintaining clear and regular communication. The terms of your FWB relationship may change over time. Your feelings may change.
If you check in with each other from time to time to see how each of you is feeling, you’re more likely to have a great fuck buddy relationship that can continue for as long as you both want it to.
What If Someone Gets the Feels?
This is perhaps one of the biggest risks of having a fuck buddy. It sometimes seems like everything is going great until someone’s feelings start getting hurt. Maybe they are upset when they see you talking to another person they think is “competition.”
The problems arise when there’s no conversation about it. If one of you starts to have feelings for the other, it’s important to talk about it right away. One of you might have to back off for a time or you might need to end your fuck buddy status.
Keep in mind that if one of you does get the feels and the other person doesn’t, it could end your friendship, too. It’s important to consider whether or not you are willing to take that risk!