If you have a habit of hooking up with your friends, you know that what comes afterwards isn’t usually good. It gets awkward and uncomfortable and more often than not, you stop being friends.
But what if you hooked up with a friend that you really want to keep as a friend? Is it even possible to maintain a friendship with someone you’ve had casual sex with?
Why would you hook up with someone you consider a close friend anyway? There are a lot of reasons. But usually, you manage to think about it enough to realize that the reasons for hooking up with a friend are not as good as the reasons not to.
The thing is, if you’re friends, you already like each other. You are comfortable with each other. You probably know some of each other’s worst secrets. And you definitely know a lot of good things about them that other people might not know. Those things combined make it easy to feel attracted to each other and sometimes that attraction turns sexual.
It’s not always easy to deny those feelings, even though you know that you don’t necessarily want to be in a relationship with them (or possibly with anyone).
But, things happen, right? Maybe the two of you had two much to drink. Or maybe you were both just really lonely and needed the comfort of physical touch and intimacy that is so much better when it comes from someone you like.
Whatever the reasons are, it happened. And you both know that it’s not going anywhere. Now it’s time to figure out how you’re going to manage to stay friends after you’ve seen each other naked and she did that awesome thing to you and you did that thing you never do for anyone else.
Here’s a few things to remember when you want to stay friends after hooking up with someone close to you.
Talk About It
It might be tempting to never talk about it again and pretend it didn’t happen. That’s just going to make things between you really awkward and difficult.
If you try to pretend you never hooked up in the first place, it’s going to create a lot of questions. One of you might be wondering if the hook up meant something. The other could be thinking that the other is remembering your night of sex every time they look at you.
You need to clear the air. So, sit down, just the two of you, somewhere quiet (but not somewhere you could have sex again!) and hash it out. Get it all out there. If they are your friend, they aren’t going to be offended by anything. Just be honest.
Once you know where both of you are in the thought process, you can work through any potential problems. But if you don’t know what problems might exist, they will multiply and become worse over time and ultimately, end your friendship.
Give Each Other Space
You might need a little time to sort things out or to get comfortable with the idea of being around each other after you’ve hooked up. That’s fine.
Go on about your lives. See other friends. And when it feels natural to hang out together again, you will. But don’t force it. Don’t feel like you have to prove to your friend that you’re perfectly fine and that you can be in the same room with them without remembering how good sex was with them.
When you talk to each other after you’ve hooked up, decide on a period of time before you start checking in together again. Remember that even after the initial time apart, one or both of you might want a little more time. That’s ok. But at some point you’re going to have to be in the same room together again.
Hang Out In Groups
Once you are ready to start seeing in other again, hang out in groups at first. Being around other people will create a little buffer and make it easier to see each other. Go to a bar or a party or maybe to a group sporting event and just enjoy hanging out together.
You may want to avoid going out with other couples though. That can create a double date kind of vibe, making you feel more than friendly towards each other. And that can make you think about how you already hooked up once so why not again?
Avoid Sex Talk
Once you’ve had that initial first talk after you’ve hooked up, avoid talking about sex together for a while. If the sex was good between you, and it probably was if you are good friends, it might be tempting to do it again. It will be tempting. If you’ve decided that it shouldn’t happen again though, it’s best not to talk about sex at all.
That includes talking about sex with your other partners, if you have any. If you talk about other people you’ve been hooking up with it could remind you of how much better sex was with your friend. It could also bring up feelings of jealousy.
It’s best to just avoid the topic of sex all together. At least for a while.
After Hooking Up, Remember It Doesn’t Give You Rights
If your friend starts seeing someone, remember that even though you’ve hooked up it doesn’t give you the right to have anything to say about their future relationships. Whether it is a casual relationship or something more serious, you don’t have the right to tell them what they should or shouldn’t be doing or if someone is right for them.
It might be tempting to tell them why you think the person they are involved with is all wrong for them but it’s not your place.
Don’t Get Drunk Together
Alcohol can bring up all sorts of feelings. A lot of the time, those feelings can be more than friendly. You might remember why you hooked up in the first place. It can make you remember how good the sex was with your friend, and that can make you think you should do it again.
At least for a few months after hooking up, you and your friend should try to stay sober when you’re around each other.
