In our time, one of the first forms of conversation we have with someone we are interested in is often texting. You might know them from work or from social circles but you probably haven’t had a serious conversation with them.
Then, you finally get up the nerve to ask for their phone number and…then what? Then you have to make the first move and start the conversation!
Conversations don’t start with phone calls these days. Most people with cell phones don’t even answer them if someone calls. The majority of people would prefer someone text them, rather than punch out the numbers and talk over the phone.
So, how do you start the conversation in a way that won’t bore them and will make them want to keep texting with you? Is there anything you shouldn’t say?
Texting Tips – Avoid These Things!
At the beginning, when you’re first starting your textationship, avoid heavy and serious topics. There’s lots of time for that later. Try not to get into things like past relationships, politics, or religion.
If you’re serious about the person you’re texting with, not just looking for a hookup or a casual fling, avoid talking about sex. Talking about sex, or sexting, at the beginning will make them think that is all you’re really interested in.
Above all, if you don’t want them to die of boredom and decide not to take your relationship past texting, steer clear of cliche topics, like weather. No one wants to waste time texting with someone who can only talk about the weather and say “LOL” every third text.
Texting Tips That Go Somewhere
If you want someone to start texting with you and keep a conversation going you’ve got to ask some interesting questions. Once you get past the basics like, “What do you do for a living?” and “What do you do for fun?” you have to have something else to talk about.
Ask Them Interesting Questions About Themselves
Generally, people like to talk about themselves and their ideas and thoughts but it’s not polite to just ramble on about yourself without being asked. So, ask them questions that will lead to good conversation. And remember, if you ask the question, you should be prepared to answer it yourself.
Here are some questions you can ask to get someone talking about themselves:
- What do you do when you’re stressed out?
- Who is the one person you also want to talk to when you have news, good or bad?
- What did you want to be when you were a kid?
- Who inspires you and why?
- What was the best thing that happened to you today?
- What’s your pet peeve and why?
- Why do you live here? What do you love about this city?
- What does your version of a successful life look like?
- If money weren’t an issue, what would you do with your life?
Ask About Plans and Interests
If you get someone talking about something they are interested in, the conversation can go on for a long time! Ask specific questions that get them excited and want to tell you everything!
Here are some questions you might ask:
- What does your perfect weekend look like?
- What’s a talent you have that not many people know about? How did you learn to do it?
- If you only have an hour of free time but you have no restraints, what do you do?
- If you could go anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, for two weeks, where would you go and what would you do there?
- What’s your favorite food to eat? Can you cook it yourself? Or do you have a restaurant you like to go to?
Avoid Yes/No/Single Word Questions
One of the worst things you can do is ask questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no or a single word.
Instead of asking, “Do you like Asian food?” try asking, “What’s your favorite food to eat/cook and what do you like about it?” Instead of saying, “Do you like sports?” ask “What do you like to do to stay active and why?”
If you ask a series of questions that can simply be answered with yes or no, it starts to sound like you’re interviewing them. They’ll get bored quickly and probably end the conversation.
Find Something You Have In Common
One of the points of talking to someone you like at the beginning it to find out what you have in common. Look for that common interest. Usually you’ll find something fairly soon, whether it is music or food or sports.
When you find that something in common you can easily maintain the conversation. If you both like hockey, you can talk about different teams, players, the best games you’ve seen, who has the best sporting venue and more. The conversation can go on for a long time.
If you can’t find something you have in common after asking questions for a while, there’s a good chance that the two of you just aren’t compatible. That’s ok. You’re not going to have sparks with everyone. Politely thank them for the conversation and let it go.
Of course, there’s a chance that they might be interested in you even though you didn’t have anything in common in the first conversation. If they text you again, you might try meeting up in person. Maybe they just aren’t very good at texting. They might be the type of person who shares better in face to face conversation.
Remember that texting is just a starting point. You can’t maintain a relationship over text for a long time. Eventually, you need to either get on video chat or phone or meet in person. But texting can get you to the next step in your relationship if you do it right!