If you’re interested in leading an ethically non-monogamous life but you’re not there yet, one of the best things you can do is learn as much as you can. If you are already in a committed relationship, it can be a big change to go from being monogamous to non-monogamous.
Communication and education are two of your biggest strengths when it comes to transitioning to non-monogamy from monogamy. But where do you find strong, reliable sources to learn from and to inspire helpful conversions?
Keep reading because this list will get you started with some of the best resources for people who are interested in non-monogamy. Whether you think you might want to be polyamorous or a hotwife or even a swinger, you’ll find loads of helpful resources here.
Websites
Online websites can be very helpful for people who want to learn about non-monogamy. Not only do they have a vast array of material that ranges from first person experiences to more professional articles, but the sites are always available wherever you have access to the internet.
Check out some of these sites.
Polyamory Today
This site is run by ___ who lives the polyamorous life. She’s been helping people learn about polyamory for many years. The articles on Polyamory Today are written by real people who are polyamorous.
You’ll find articles about boundaries and rules, choosing a polyamorous partner, talking to your spouse about polyamory, and much more.
Loving Without Boundaries
If you’re looking for a website that provides information from a professional viewpoint, check out Loving Without Boundaries. If you want more love in your life, no one here will think you are selfish and you won’t be shamed. It’s a safe place for anyone interested in open relationships or other forms of ENM.
This site has several ways you can find the answers to your questions including a blog and a podcast. If you want more specific information, check out the workshops and the coaching services.
Polyamory In The News
Do you feel like you’re the only person in the world dealing with polyamory and ethical non-monogamy issues? Then check out Polyamory In The News. This site features anything polyamory and ENM that is covered in the media.
You’ll find out about tv shows and movies that feature ENM people as well as families and individuals who are highlighted in news features. It’s a great site to get a better picture of how ENM is portrayed in the media.
Books
Sometimes when you want to learn about a subject, there’s nothing that can compare to sitting down with a good book and immersing yourself in the subject. Plus, if you own the book, you can always come back to it later to look something up or read it again for more clarity.
Here are some of the best books for learning about ENM. You can find them all on Amazon and at most major book retailers.
More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory
This book is written by Frank Veaux and Eve Rickert and is all about the life of polyamory. These two bring in many of their personal stories to help people understand concepts.
Since it was first published in ___ there has been new material added to freshen up their approach to polyamory.
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Non-Monogamy
In the polyamory community, the subject of attachment theory is something you’ll hear discussed often and you’ll hear it referenced in conversations. It’s something you also hear talked about in mainstream conversations about monogamy.
Jen Fern, who is a polyamorous psychotherapist, talks about consensual non-monogamy (also called ethical non-monogamy) and how we can build secure attachments in those relationships. She suggests six strategies to guide you in forming secure attachments in your polyamorous relationships.
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love
This is like the Bible for the ethically non-monogamous community. It’s been around for twenty years. It puts emphasis on communication, safer sex practices, and complete and total honesty.
In the third edition, revisions have included tools for conflict resolutions, interviews with the millennial generation of poly people, and tributes to the pioneers.
New information has also been added for LQBTQ+ people, sex workers, and those who are asexual. The new content discusses things like couples who don’t have sex, non-binary gender language, and other new information.
This Heart Holds Many
This book is the first person experience of Koe Creation. They grew up differently than many children did at that time. With three moms, their life was very unique. They were taught to have respect for everyone and to embrace different communities from LGBT to sex positivity.
Even though they were raised in a conservative North America, they were not raised the same as everyone else. This book tells of the journey of an educator and student of life to find extraordinary love and build an extraordinary life.
Building Open Relationships
Many of the books on non-monogamy are more focused on the author’s personal experiences and stories. This can be helpful but if you want a book that guides you through the steps of building a life of non-monogamy, this is it.
Building Open Relationships helps you put everything you’ve learned from other books into practice. Liz Powell is a coach, speaker, and psychologist who takes her life experiences and professional knowledge to help you build and maintain your ethically non-monogamous life.
There are starters for discussions, worksheets, examples, and many tools to help you on your path.
Undoing Monogamy
One of the biggest challenges of becoming non-monogamous after being monogamous for many years is undoing all that you have learned about having relationships in the past.
Angela Wiley looks at the politics of monogamy with a critical eye to help newcomers reorientate their thought processes. This book looks at human nature and guides us to reconsider our thoughts about coupledom and biology.
The Polyamorists Next Door
This book is an introduction to families who are polyamorous. It gives you a peek into the lives of people who embrace different kinds of romantic and sexual relationships on both a physical and emotional level. They have multiple partners and openly love within the family structure.
With loads of details and color, The Polyamorists Next Door watches how relationships grow, change, and deal with life in the family on a daily basis.
Forums and Groups
In your research on ethical non-monogamy, it’s important to remember that there are details and facets about this lifestyle that you can’t learn from books. You need to hear and listen to the voices of people who are living it day to day.
Here are some places you can connect with ENM people and hear their stories.
FetLife
FetLife is known for its BDSM community of users but there’s also a large ethically non-monogamous community to be found. On FetLife, each user gets their own profile. That allows them to send and receive private messages.
But, there are also groups for a large range of topics that include polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, hotwifing, cuckolds, swingers, and more. Besides the fact that there are general groups, you can also find people and groups by location.
If there are events or gatherings for people in the ENM community in the area you live in, you’ll find them on FetLife.
If you’re not ready for FetLife yet, try finding groups on Facebook. Facebook allows groups to set privacy settings so as long as a group is set to private, your friends and family will never know you’re part of a Poly community unless you tell them.
You’ll find larger groups for a more general audience and smaller groups for a more specific audience (for example, solo polyamorous people in Idaho). Use the search function on Facebook to find the community that best suits your needs.
Remember, if you join a group and don’t like it, you can always leave.
People sometimes forget how useful Reddit can be but it’s the forum of all forums. There are literally forums for every single topic you can imagine so it makes sense that there are forums for ENM people.
Do a search for polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, swingers, or something else you’re interested in. Some forums are more active than others but even the inactive ones are often filled with information, stories, and advice that is still useful today.
Bonus: Podcasts
If you don’t have time to read or just prefer to listen, podcasts are a great option. You can listen to podcasts for free on Apple or on Spotify and many other podcast platforms.
Look for some of these podcasts to get started. It will certainly make your drive to work a lot more interesting!
- Front Porch Swingers
- Normalizing Non-Monogamy
- Multiamory
- Loving Without Boundaries
- Poly Pages
