So, you’ve met a woman you really like. You’ve had some good conversations and you asked her out on a date. She says yes, and you have a great time.
But there’s one thing – she says she is solo polyamorous. What does that even mean?
Don’t be afraid. Solo polyamory is not a bad thing! It’s just a dating and ethical non-monogamy relationship style that many people are adopting. It’s not for everyone though, so you should do your due diligence and learn as much as you can about it before moving forward with this new relationship.
Here are some important things about solo polyamory you should know if you’re interested in dating someone who says they are solo polyamorous.
What Is Solo Polyamory?
Someone who practices solo polyamory is very independent. They make decisions on their own life and they have the final say. That is not to say they are selfish. A person who is solo polyamorous is just as likely to be a kind and giving person as someone who is not. In fact, they often give great consideration to the people they are dating.
That’s right – people, plural. Solo polyamory is a dating style where an individual may date more than one person at a time. It doesn’t mean all their relationships are casual, though.
People who are solo polyamorous may have multiple relationships that are very loving and serious. They can have meaningful relationships with more than one person, but they are open and honest about it.
Solo polyamory also means that the individual keeps certain aspects of their lives separate from their relationships. Finances and housing are two of the aspects of their life that they do not mix up with their relationships.
They usually have their own home (whether they rent or own or share with a roommate) and have no intention of forming a traditional relationship where they marry or live with a partner. They do not share bank accounts or financial decisions with their partners. If they want to go on a vacation for a month, the only person who has a decision in the financial matter is them.
You Aren’t Likely To Change Them
If you think that solo polyamory is just a phase in their life and that at some point, they will marry you, you are bound to get hurt. The solo polyamorous person has likely made the decision to be solo for a good reason.
They may have adopted a solo lifestyle because they prefer to be alone often. Perhaps they like to have control of their money or they like to live in a house where they are not responsible for anyone else.
Whatever the reason for becoming solo polyamorous, that person is not likely to change. They’ve already decided that they don’t want to change.
What does that mean for you? If you are dating someone who is solo polyamorous you need to accept that this is who they are and this is the life they have chosen to lead. You can’t hope they will change and you can’t make them be monogamous.
It does not mean you have to adopt the same lifestyle. Many people who are solo polyamorous have dated people who are monogamous. It just takes a little bit more work.
Solo Polyamorous People Aren’t “Easy”
If you think that dating a person who lives a life of solo polyamory means that you’re going to get laid a lot, you should think again. Solo polyamory is not an excuse to have a lot of sex with multiple people!
That’s not to say that some solo poly people are not very sexually free. But that is because that is who they are, not because they are solo polyamorous!
Many solo polyamorous people have relationships that don’t revolve around sex at all! They might have sex on occasion but it isn’t the main purpose for dating someone or being with them.
Solo Polyamory Is A Lifestyle Choice
When you’re dating, you always have a choice about who you date, how often you go out with them, and how often you have sex. This is your choice.
Likewise, solo polyamory is a choice. Each individual has the right to make their own choices in life and in all aspects of their life.
If you’re interested in dating someone who is solo polyamorous, that is perhaps one of the biggest things you have to understand. They highly value their right to make their own choices.
However, that also means they value your right to make choices for yourself.
When you date someone who is solo polyamorous, you’ll never have to worry that they will try to tell you what to do. They will never tell you that you can’t go out on a date with someone else or even have sex with someone else. If you want to move across the country to get a better job, they won’t beg you not to.
Of course, if you ask their opinion, they will happily discuss the matter with you.
They may also be sad that you’re moving away, but if you’re relationship has been building for a significant period of time, they might be willing to work with you to keep the relationship going. That might mean visiting each other or something else.
As long as you respect their lifestyle choice, they will respect that you also have choices. While they might have boundaries for themselves that they will not let other people cross, they won’t try to impose rules on you or your life.
Dating someone who is polyamorous can be very rewarding. However, it will mean that you and the person you’re dating will have some deep and intense conversations at times. It isn’t an easier way of having relationships. It’s just different.