Everyone deserves to have mind blowing sex. Not once in a while. Not once in a lifetime. But every time you have sex, it should blow your mind.
Sex should make you feel like you can take on the world. After you have sex you should want to do it again! It shouldn’t be a take it or leave it kind of deal.
If you’re not having the kind of sex that makes you want to do it again and again…well, something is missing. That just means you totally need this article!
Keep reading if you want mind blowing sex to be the norm in your life instead of the exception.
Why Are You Having Mediocre Sex?
This isn’t to ask why you choose to have mediocre sex because no one chooses that. If you could have the kind of sex that rocks your world each and every time, you’d obviously choose that.
There are reasons why sex is just kind of meh sometimes though.
According to LiveScience, women often settle for mediocre sex because their lives are busy. But men often settle for medicore sex, too.
When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s pretty easy to accept so-so sex. You have other things going on and it just takes so much effort to have the kind of sex you had when you were younger.
As you get older, you have more responsibilities and busier lives. You move up in your career and you probably work longer hours and your boss has bigger expectations that cone with the bigger salary.
You might have children and everyone knows how much energy and time they can suck out of you. Raising children can be rewarding but it’s also pretty exhausting.
By the time you come home from work, make dinner, help the kids with their homework, break up a couple of fights, get them in the tub or the shower, and send them off to bed, sex might be the last thing on your mind. And if you do find the energy for it, you skip all the fun stuff so you can get to the easy part and then pass out.
Life in general makes mediocre sex easier than trying to have great sex.
As we get older, we sometimes come across more challenges in having sex. Our bodies don’t do what they use to do so easily! You might not be able to get into the positions you used to love. Women have a harder time with lubrication. Men have a harder time staying hard or lasting as long as they once did.
All the body changes we experience as we get older can lead to lower confidence in bed. Low self-confidence can lead to lower libido. That can increase the chances of mediocre sex becoming the norm.
Mediocre Sex Can Mean Mediocre Relationships
If you’re having mostly mediocre sex in your relationship, it can make things difficult in other areas. Less sex means less intimacy. Less intimacy in a relationship can lead to a host of other issues like lower patience, frustrations, and minimal communication.
As you have more problems in your marriage, you will probably spend less time together. You’ll also have less sex, which brings you back full circle to lower confidence in bed.
Soon, your relationship is struggling and you’re not having sex at all.
Mind Blowing Sex Starts With Communications
If you want to have great sex with your partner every time you need to work on communicating with your partner better. Does he even know how much you miss having sex with him? Does she know that you crave a good cuddle at the end of the day?
Start by talking to each other.
After a long period of not communicating well with your partner, you may struggle with finding the words. The two of you may feel frustrated and angry that you aren’t able to express yourself the way you want to or that you can’t get them to understand what you are saying.
If this is the case, therapy can help. Start with some couples counseling. You might want to consider a sex therapist as well. One or both kinds of therapy can help you communicate better and build up your communication muscles. Just like the physical muscles in the body, your communication muscles will get weak if they aren’t used!
Create A Foundation For Amazing Sex By Building Intimacy
Once you’ve started communicating and talking with your partner again, work on building up the intimacy in your relationship. Mind blowing sex rarely comes from a purely physical place. You can have sex with someone with a great body and amazing moves but not have a mind blowing experience with them.
On the other hand, the best sex in the world can take place between two people with imperfect bodies who know and understand each other. If you have love and intimacy, that’s where great sex starts.
Don’t Expect Great Sex To Happen Over Night
If you’ve been struggling in your relationship, you’re not going to start having great sex again right away just because you’ve talked about it and you’ve been to a few counseling sessions. It’s going to take some time.
You need to build up trust and desire and find a way to connect with each other again. A lot of that is going to take place outside the bedroom.
You can practice for having great sex though. Start by making time for each other. Remember how exhausted you have been with all that is going on in your life? Consider getting out of your life and working on just enjoying being together again.
You could get a babysitter, turn off the phones, stay away from the computer, and just enjoy a night together. If you enjoy cooking together but have been making quick and easy meals because there’s so much else to do, you could make a meal together that you love and just sit down to enjoy eating it.
If you can find a couple hours of time to be together even, you might watch a favorite movie or go for a walk on a beach or in the forest.
Once you’ve made time for each other outside the bedroom, it will be easier to make time for each other in the bedroom. Get the kids in bed after a day of doing something fun like playing in the yard or having a barbeque. Once they are safely asleep, lock the door, get into bed naked, and just lay there and talk.
Naked time can be a great way to build intimacy. Take the pressure of sex off the table and just lay together and talk. Don’t try to turn each other on. Just enjoy the feeling of your partner in your arms.
Are You Ready To Have Great Sex Again?
If you’re connecting with your partner again, enjoying their company, and becoming more intimate with each other outside the bedroom, it’s time to start having sex. The pressure is on.
No one likes pressure though. So, take the pressure off. Agree that you only have sex if both of you really want to.
Set the stage for the possibility that you both might want to have sex. If you have kids, send them to their grandparents or a friend’s house for the night. Don’t feel bad about asking someone else to watch your kids. Your marriage is important.
Make sure that you’re relaxed. Have a drink or two if you want (but don’t get drunk!). Spend some time just having fun with each other.
Then climb into bed and have the longest foreplay session imaginable. Kiss like teenagers. Explore. Touch. Lick. Don’t rush into anything. Just play as if you were naked together for the first time.
Talk to each other. Does this feel good? How about that? Do you want to keep doing this or should I do that? Let each other know what you’re enjoying.
If you’re not feeling the vibes, feel free to say so and come back to it another night. But there’s a pretty darn good chance that you’ll want to close the deal with some mind blowing orgasms!
If you need more ideas, you can start with these 16 tips to spice up your marriage.
Now Do It Again And Again
Once you’ve had one great night of sex, don’t stop there! You need to keep it up, otherwise, you’ll end up back where you started with a stagnant sex life.
You don’t have to have sex every night. You don’t even have to have sex every week. How often you need to have sex to keep the intimacy and emotional connection in your relationship will depend on you.
Try once a week to start. If that’s too much pressure, maybe every ten days is more your style. Or maybe you both want more sex and are hyped up for some several times a week sex romps.
The most important thing is that you don’t let so much time go by that you forget how important sex is in your relationship.
If you’re having a hard time keeping the sexual vibes going once you get them back start talking about fantasies. Since you’ve gotten better at communicating with each other, this should be easy.
You’ve both probably had fantasies that you could bring into reality in the bedroom. You’ve also probably got some fantasies that you have no intention of making come true. Talk about them all.
As you share your fantasies, see which ones you have that are mutual turn-ons for you. Just talking about them could be enough to get you both interested in having a night of great sex. But perhaps there are mutual fantasies that you are both interested in exploring.
If you’re both hot and bothered about one of you taking a more controlling role in the bedroom you may want to start with some light bondage. Invest in some safe bondage tools and do a little research about how to get started.
Simple fantasies like dirty talk can be something you can explore without hurting the other. If it’s not working for both of you, just stop. Other fantasies, like anal sex, can be explored without pushing the boundaries too far. Go slow and be ready to stop if needed.
Remember that not all fantasies have to be acted on to make them a fun part of your sex life. You might have a fantasy about being part of an orgy but orgies are some pretty advanced sex play. Start with talking about it. Use verbalization to see how the other feels about it. If it’s still a turn on you could explore further by being a watcher at an orgy.
Besides being a turn-on, talking about fantasies can bring you closer together. Shared secrets and desires create intimacy, even if you choose to keep them as fantasies only.
Keep The Flames Burning
One of the most important things that contribute to mind blowing sex is passion. It’s hard to stay passionate about one person for a long period of time, though.
In order to keep the flames burning over the long term, you have to give them space to burn. If you smother the flames, they’ll die out so don’t spend all of your time together. Do things with friends. Have your own interests. When you come back together, you’ll still have desire for each other and it will be stronger because it had room to grow.
Like a flame, your passion will be more likely to burn out if you don’t feed it. Flames need oxygen and fuel. Your passion needs to be fed as well, but only you and your partner can determine what will feed the flames and keep them burning the most.
Keep the flames of your desire burning and you’ll always have mind blowing sex.