Spanking is not for everyone. But, if you’re curious about spanking and the idea of it turns you on, then keep reading to learn everything you need to know.
For some people, spanking is taboo. It’s what happens to children when they are naughty. It might even be something for naughty adults, too. But it’s not always a punishment. There are lots of reasons why grown adults might enjoy giving or receiving a spanking. It can be part of sex play or it can be completely separate.
Who Is Spanking For?
Spanking is an activity enjoyed by both men and women. You don’t even have to be in a power-dynamic relationship to find pleasure in a spanking. Even feminist like a good spanking sometimes!
Sometimes, spanking is a playful activity between partners. It’s not meant to be painful. Instead, it’s fun and maybe just a little bit dirty. It’s just taboo enough to be hot but not so taboo that it freaks out your partner.
Spanking can also be part of a lifestyle choice. If you and your partner have a power-dynamic relationship where one of you is submissive and the other is dominant, spanking can be a big part of your relationship. Your dominant/submissive roles might be strictly in the bedroom or they could merge into your regular life.
All sorts of people enjoy spanking as part of their sex life. Younger people and older adults can enjoy spanking. People with disabilities, people of different gender identities, and people in different lifestyle communities can all have a good time with spanking activities.
According to MensHealth, 70% of women and 61% of men enjoy spanking during sex. Many of them consider it to be kinky but others just feel that it is a healthy way of expressing excitement and having fun.
Spanking is definitely more common in the kink community. A study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 93.99% of women in kink lifestyles had either spanked or been spanked by someone else.
Always Get Consent Before Spanking
Spanking is a sexual activity that requires consent, just like any other, even if it’s part of the fun of angry sex! It’s important to make sure your partner is on board with it before you engage in new sexual activities.
Keep in mind that there are levels of consent, too. Your partner might consent to some light and fun spanking but they may not be ok with spanking that leaves any kind of imprint. They might be ok with leaving a mark with your hand but they may not be fine with using spanking implements.
Consent goes both ways. Even if you’re the one being spanked, your partner may have limits in how hard they are willing to spank you or what they will spank you with.
Remember that consent must be ongoing. Your partner might consent to a certain kind of spanking and then find that they don’t like it. They can remove consent at any time!
Can Spankings Be Sexy And Painless?
The short answer is, yes, spankings can just be sexy fun and cause absolutely no pain. In fact, when most people talk about spanking, this is the kind of spanking they are interested in.
Sexy spankings are not punishment. They are fun and frisky. They might be teasing and can take place in or out of the bedroom.
A couple who enjoys sexy spankings might spank their partner while cooking dinner or doing some other form of housework. It’s casual and will usually only be hard enough to make the person getting spanked jump a little or squeal in surprise. They don’t hurt.
These sexy spankings might also take place as part of foreplay. One person might lightly spank the other as a suggestion that they want to have sex or they may spank as a warm-up to continued sexual activity.
Spanking often takes place along with a little dirty talk. “You’ve been such a naughty girl,” or “I know you’ve been thinking about getting me naked all day long! You’re such a bad man!” Spanking and dirty talk go hand in hand when the two of you are warming up to some fun between the sheets.
Generally, casual spankings like these don’t cause pain. They aren’t intended to hurt or be a punishment for anything. They don’t leave a mark for longer than a few minutes and the person being spanked isn’t going to feel like they’ve been spanked later on. It’s a temporary increase in sensation and no more.
Of course, everyone has a different pain tolerance and one person’s sexy and fun spanking might be too much for another person. It’s important to have good communication with your partner if you want spanking to be part of your relationship, especially if you’re only interested in fun spankings.
You can test each other’s pain tolerance slowly. Ask often if a spanking was too hard. Feel free to speak up if a spanking crossed the line or even if it is getting too close. And above all, listen to what your partner is telling you!
If you’re not listening, it can be easy to cross into an area where your partner no longer wants to have sex because the spankings you’ve been giving are too much for them. They may also feel that you’re not being caring enough and that you are only taking your own pleasure into consideration when you’re having sex.
Different Kinds Of Spankings
There are many different kinds of spanking that couples can enjoy and experiment with. Some involve bare hand spankings and others are more intense and add in spanking implements.
If you’re not sure what you like, talk to your partner and try different styles. Some of them may involve less or more pain. Some spankings will be more arousing to you. It all depends on what you enjoy about spankings
Bare Hand Spanking Styles
There is definitely a certain appeal to the bare hand spanking that many enjoy. Part of it is that a bare hand spanking is more intimate and personal. If you spank a woman during sex you should definitely consider what is going through her mind after!
It is not only the person being spanked who feels it. The spanker will also feel pleasure when their hand makes a connection with the part of the flesh being spanked.
Try some of these bare hand spankings and see which you enjoy most:
- Clothes on spankings – these can take place anywhere from in the privacy of your home to in a public space where no one is watching. Getting an unexpected spanking over the clothing as you’re putting the groceries away can be a tempting and fun allusion to activities that might follow later on in the day when the two of you are alone in the privacy of your own home!
- Spanking while kissing – when you’re in a lip lock with your love, deliver a few light and playful spankings to the bottom and see if it doesn’t encourage some more passionate kisses. There’s nothing like feeling your partner moan into your kisses!
- Spanking while giving or receiving oral – when you’re going down on someone, give them a few spanks to get them even more worked up. This can work in reverse, too! Spank them as they are going down on you! Of course, this does involve the right positioning but I’m sure you can figure it out!
- Non-bottom spanking – the ass is not the only part of the body that is great for spanking. Thighs are also very fleshy and can be an erogenous zone for some people. Try spanking the bottoms of the feet or the hip. Some women even enjoy a light spanking on the breasts (side, bottom, top, or even directly on the nipple!). And if you’ve never had your clit lightly spanked just before being penetrated or as a part of oral, you don’t know what you’re missing! Just start slow and see if you like it!
- The side swipe spanking – when you’re spanking, you don’t have to do a direct hand-against-flesh spanking to cause pleasure. Try taking a bit of a side swipe. Besides the fact that it gives a different sensation, it also creates an amazing visual. You’ll see the flesh bounce and jiggle a little bit and your partner is likely to be taken by surprise.
- The over-the-knee spanking – there are so many ways to do this. Tell your partner earlier in the day that they are working up to a spanking. Then insinuate that they are going to get bent over your knee. When it comes time for the actual activity they will be so excited they will be looking forward to it. Alternatively, you can catch them by surprise. After getting them excited and worked up, take them lovingly by the hand and guide them over the knee and tell them how much they mean to you as you tease their bottom with a fast array of spanks!
Should You Spank With Things Other Than The Hand?
It’s completely up to you and your partner, if you want to engage in spanking with, implements other than the hand. One thing you should keep in mind is that because your hand is not making contact with their flesh, you can’t really tell how much pain it is causing.
It can be easy to go overboard with spanking implements. That means you and your partner must be comfortable talking during sex and communicating your needs effectively.
Sometimes, when spanking is involved, and especially if you and your partner like there to be a pain element, safe words are used. The reason for this is that there can be moments when the person being spanked can’t quite get the words out. A safe word is short and easy to say.
Common safe words are “yellow,” meaning slow down, and “red,” meaning stop right now. Safe words are best when they are simple and easy to bring to mind, which is why these colors are frequently used.
Safe words can also be as simple as “slow down” or “stop.” The reason that some couples don’t use these as safe words as they like to engage in power dynamic play where “stop, please!” is part of the role play.
Spanking Implements You Might Consider
When you’re considering spanking with something other than your hand, remember to talk to your partner about it first. Sometimes, spanking with an object can cause trauma or pain that brings back memories. Make sure your partner is ok with it first.
Once you know your partner is open to different spanking implements, you might consider these:
- Hairbrush – this one is always fun because the flat end can be narrow or wide, which delivers different sensations. In between spankings, you might consider using the bristles of the brush lightly against the area where you spanked your partner to give them completely new sensations.
- A wooden spoon or spatula – plastic or wood? Both are interesting. Wood has a more natural and grainy feel while plastic is cool. They both come in different sizes and can create different feelings.
- A paddle – you can buy spanking paddles from sex toy stores or you can simply head to your sporting store and get a paddle for ping pong or other tabletop sport. Some paddles have a nubby texture while others are flat. At sex toy stores, you can find paddles that have a leather backing or even a soft fuzzy backing. Some even have nubby little spikes that can be very enjoyable when you have a light touch. Want to have a little fun? How about a leather (or pleather) paddle that has “Bad Girl” or “Baby” etched in the leather? Let your partner come and pick out a paddle that you’ll both love.
- Slippers or plastic sandals – you probably won’t want to use shoes that you wear every day but there’s no reason you can have some special spanking shoes that you never wear in your closet. Light shoes like slippers and plastic beach sandals are flexible and easy to hold.
Of course, there are loads of other spanking implements you can graduate with if you get serious about spanking in the bedroom. You’ll want to learn how to use them and have a serious conversation with your partner first though!
If you get to that point you can look at using floggers (leather or suede), ropes, belts, straps, crops, canes, and more. Check out your sex stores and talk to the assistant in the shop if you’re curious!