If you want to ramp up your sex life, one of the best skills to learn is dirty talking. If you can talk dirty like a pro, your partner will be mind blown. And of course, turned on!
Dirty talk isn’t just about using dirty words, though. Of course, that can be part of it but there’s so much more to it than that.
What is Dirty Talk?
Dirty talk is the way you have a conversation in the bedroom. Sometimes, it includes dirty words. Other times, it just means you’re explicit about what you want, what you’re doing, and what your partner would like.
Why is it called dirty talk if it’s not always using dirty words?
Generally, people call it dirty talk because it’s not the kind of conversation you would usually have in public. If you’re in the company of someone you’re not having sex with or want to have sex with, you would scale back your conversation so that it is “clean.”
Set Some Boundaries
If you’re new to talking dirty, it’s going to be challenging at first. Even if you’re not new to it though, dirty talk can cross some lines in the fantasy realm that you don’t want to cross in the real world.
Before you get going with your partner, it’s a good idea to talk about what you’re ok with and what makes you feel uncomfortable. There might be certain words that freak you out. Some men love to be called Daddy, while others feel that’s only for their children.
It’s also a good idea to talk about what you might talk about because it turns you on, but not because you really want to do it.
If you set your boundaries ahead of time, there’s no confusion and no risk of misunderstood consent. And, talking about the boundaries of dirty talk can make it easier to move into talking dirty during intimate times. If you know your partner won’t misunderstand your intentions, you can be more free to say what you want to say in the heat of the moment.
Learn to Talk Dirty: Tips for Beginners and Intermediates
Anyone can learn to talk dirty. If you’re already comfortable with it, you can improve on your dirty talk, too.
Here are some tips for becoming a dirty talk master.
For Beginning Dirty Talkers:
- Practice makes perfect. Get used to saying things that you aren’t used to saying. Start by standing in front of a mirror and pretending you are telling someone what you want them to do to you or what you want to do to them. Be as explicit and specific as you dare. Then do it again and again, getting more specific until you are comfortable saying anything in front of yourself.
- Next, practice with a friend. Find someone you trust and do the same thing with them. There might be a lot of laughter and discomfort at first but both of you will get used to it pretty quickly. It helps to do this with someone you have no intention of getting between the sheets with.
- Now that you’re used to saying the specific words that you think you would say when you’re talking dirty with someone, practice your inflection and tone. It’s not just what you say – it’s how you say it. Lower your voice. Speak slowly.
- Get used to looking at someone when you talk dirty. It’s not nearly as arousing to hear dirty talk from someone who’s looking at the picture above your head or is staring off into the dark. Eye contact is important.
For Intermediate Dirty Talkers:
- Set a scene for intimacy and sexy times. Dirty talk is most effective when it’s in the right situation. Try doing simple things like lowering the lights or putting on some sexy music.
- Catch them when they aren’t expecting it. As must as setting the scene can help with dirty talk, it can also be very effective to use a line of dirty talk when your partner isn’t expecting it. Walk up behind her while she’s doing dishes and tell her that you’ve been thinking of making her moan all day long. Phone him while he’s out getting groceries and tell him in a low husky voice that you were thinking of him while you were in the shower and now you need another shower. See how fast he gets home!
- Take control. When you’re in bed and the lights are out have him lay on his stomach for a back rub. Then tell him all the things you want him to do to you or the things you want to do to him. When the back rub is over, it’s sure to turn into something else entirely!
- Tell her how good whatever she is doing makes you feel. Let her know how much you love when she does that thing with her fingers or how hard it is for you to keep control when she does that thing with her tongue. Give your partner compliments on what they are doing and they’ll remember it in the future!
- Be a tease. Don’t let things get started until you’ve teased your partner into a fury of passion. Hold them down and tease them with your fingers, your tongue, and your words.
- Use the language you would never use in front of anyone else. Save certain words and phrases just for your partner. Let them see you blush as you use them but keep saying them! It’s arousing to know that someone is willing to be slightly uncomfortable for you.
- Talk about fantasies. Set aside a night to talk about fantasies you have, even if it’s something you have no plans to follow through on. Tell them what you want to do or what you want to have done to you. Do you want to dominate, or would you like to submit to your partner’s desires? What turns you on? What do you think about when you masturbate?