Well, it’s a million-dollar question with a million answers. When should you have sex with your partner in a new relationship? After three dates? After a month? A week? Until marriage? The answers will keep on coming, and they will keep on changing. Each person’s answer to this question is a sum total of factors that shaped them – culture, religion, past relationships, etc.
So, when is it appropriate to heat the sheets with your new partner in the bedroom? Let’s look at answers from a new YouGov survey. The survey asked more than 1,300 Americans about the ideal timeline for taking important steps in a relationship, such as when new partners should have the first sex.
About 10% of Americans (1 in 10) think it’s alright for a couple to be intimate within seven days of starting to date. The most generally observed attitude is that partners should wait until they have seen each other for at least a week but less than a month (about 19%) or after one to three months after the first date (about 19%). About twelve percent of Americans (1 in 8) believe partners should wait until they are married before having sex.
Men and women seem to have different opinions about this. Women (20%) are less likely than men (38%) to think partners should have sex within the first month of dating, with 13% of men not having a problem with it happening in the first week of dating (7% of women also agree).
Among respondents who are married or in committed relationships and have had sex, fifteen percent say they had sex within a week of starting the relationship. Another 19% say they had sex after dating their partner for over a week but less than a month. A similar percentage (21%) says they waited one to three months.
There’s no universal rulebook for the perfect time to have sex with your partner. That’s a decision you’ll have to make by yourself (along with your partner). Why, then, do people wait?
Why do people wait?
1. Allows you to connect in another kind of way.
When you take sex out of the equation of many relationships, they become bland. You get to see that they are not compatible. The hormones released during sex trick their brains into believing they have a deeper connection with their partner.
2. It can be romantic
At the risk of sounding cheesy, but when sex is out of the question, romance gets a boost. You want to prove to your partner that you love them without sleeping with them. Dates become creative and fun. It is a refreshing experience compared to the usual bar-to-bedroom dating.
3. Waiting gives you something to look forward to
Deliberating holding off on sex builds sexual tension over time and will only intensify the physical. When you eventually decide to have sex will make the experience much more satisfying.
4. It helps build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship
Many couples start with incredible chemistry and then try to find friendship after that, which can sometimes lead to breakups.
5. Research shows that couples who wait until marriage are better satisfied with their sex lives
Research has it that people who waited until marriage rated their relationship stability (22%) and sexual quality (15%) higher than people who had sex earlier in their relationship.
6. No sex does not mean no affection
You have to be more creative. Kissing, hugging, massages —many ways to ensure a strong physical connection.
7. Waiting ensures only quality people stick around
In today’s dating culture, many people want instant gratification and want other people to meet their needs with no strings attached. Holding off on sex ensures such people won’t be in your space.
8. There are other ways to show love.
People argue that sex is the most powerful way to express love, and while that is true, there are other equally effective ways to create love and care. People often overlook the power of simple thoughtfulness and care in a relationship.
9. It builds trust.
Having sex too early can cause doubt and confusion. Some of the most common questions people ask themselves are: “What are their intentions? Are they using me?”
10. Waiting shows your value to both of you
Your value is not just your body. You have more to offer than your body: your intelligence, sense of humor, and other unique personality traits. Also, putting off sex can help build your self-esteem because you connect with another person genuinely and meaningfully, and there is no greater feeling than that.
Should I Wait?
As I have said repeatedly, nobody is going to decide for you! However, if your reasons are heavily hinged on societal pressure, come off it.
Timing for sex is not a one-size fits all.
Let’s start by tossing the idea of three conventional dates right out the window. There is no magical hourglass that tells you when a date is complete. Trust me; it’s less about time and more about vibing with your partner and getting under the sheets when you’re both comfortable.
Talk about it
Communication is also a factor that plays a role in determining when you have sex with your partner. There should be a talk about the first sex before it happens. This is when you learn about each other’s bedroom dos and don’ts.
Be comfortable
It doesn’t matter if you have been dating for 3 years. You should only have sex with your partner when you are comfortable doing so. It doesn’t matter whether that happens in the first week or 10 years later. Comfort is paramount!
People’s perspective about sex is a total of their experience, beliefs, culture, etc. The debate for the appropriate time for the first sex will not end soon. Sex can deepen relationships in ways you cannot imagine, but so is waiting for it. The ultimate decision is yours to make.
Research
